13 Dec 2009Tags: biting, discipline, hitting, slapping, talking, toddler
I’ve been getting slapped a lot lately.
Yes. That innocent looking munchkin is the culprit. Sometimes it’s just some enthusiastic back ‘patting’ and sometimes it’s like it was this afternoon – a surprisingly strong double-handed face slap.
I don’t really know what to do. I know that it is mostly from frustration, particularly during teething. But I’m a bit torn – I know that mostly she needs comfort – but want to encourage her to express herself in a less aggressive (less painful) way. And I’ve only just got her to stop biting.
I’ve tried the time out thing, mainly because I haven’t finished reading Unconditional Parenting and haven’t got any better ideas on how to handle things. It doesn’t seem to help that much. She just gets hysterically upset and I feel like I’m punishing her rather than teaching her anything useful.
I mainly don’t want her to start hitting other children. Although it’s probably futile. At playgroup all the kids seem to take turns hitting, pushing and slapping each other or pelting various toys at one another’s heads.
Thinking I should attempt something similar to what I did with the biting. I eventually figured out the reason and we managed to substitute biting for raspberries. Highly preferable.
By the time she’s talking I’ll be an expert at non-verbal communication.
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I think all toddlers go through this, I know mine all have. What I have do depends on the hitting.
If they are playing and they hit I take their hand and show them how to be nice. I’ll say ouch! That hurt! Taking their hand and say play nice with mommy while gently touching where they hit me.
If they are hitting when they are upset I just take their hand down from my face or wherever and quietly say no hitting. Then I just try to be there – ask if they need a hug or sit close til they are calm. Then I talk about how they may be feeling. I know E doesn’t get all I am saying but he will one day and I’m giving him the words now to be able to express himself later.
The parenting gig is hard sometimes for sure! Good luck on finding what works for you two.
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Thanks Krista – I like that approach – seems like a good balance – which is what I’m really looking for.
.-= zoey @ goodgoog´s last blog ..Afternoon Glow =-.
Yeah, I don’t think one and two year olds can really understand time outs – I think they’re effective as a calm-down technique after a tantrum, or when my son is just too whiny to ask nicely for something, I will have him go sit on his bed until he can choose to use his words (usually like 2 minutes), but as a discipline technique, not so much. Z has gone through hitting phases, I usually remove him from me, and inform him that hitting is not appropriate, and demonstrate a gentle touch on his face and ask him to be kind. Hope you find something that works soon!
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I agree – I’ve adapted the time out until I find something better – so I just put her one foot away from me for about a minute or so. But even that I don’t think she really gets. I’ll try the gentle touching thing – I did something similar to get her to be gentle with the cat and it (mostly) works ;o)
.-= zoey @ goodgoog´s last blog ..Afternoon Glow =-.