23 Aug 2009Tags: childcare, sahm, wahm
As somebody who goes into work once a week, works from home on the other days and run around after a 16 month old, I am always looking for ways that I can fit everything in. I think it would be definitely possible to fit everything in if I had about three or four more hours in the day, or maybe a housekeeper or a cook or a really good assistant.
On a good day I’ll spend between 3 – 4 hours in the day on work, and hour on exercising, about an hour on baking bread/snacks, 2 hours on household chores and the rest is spent feeding/playing/changing/getting to nap/chasing Riley. Fly Lady helped with some of the cleaning/household stuff so at least it is theoretically achieveable now. But on a bad day (teething, illness, separation anxiety, general grumpiness) nothing is achieveable and it tends to throw the rest of the week into disarray. The worst is when I have an urgent deadline and Riley is tugging at my hand to go outside. I hate that.
The truth is I think I would prefer it if I wasn’t being pulled in different directions and I could afford to stay at home without working. Sometimes I feel like at least that way if I was going to be home, I could really be home. But by the same token, I am so grateful that I have the kind of job where I can mostly do it from home and so avoid institutionalised childcare (at least for the time-being). And while off-topic, yes I reject the notions that childcare is “good for them”, “necessary for socialisation” and while it may be necessary for some people based on their individual situations I think it should be avoided if at all possible.
But back to my topic, the childcare thing seems like a post for another day. My schedule which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t depending upon how cooperative Riley is being accounts for pretty much every 5 minute section. But I’m anal and structured I like it that way.
Amber (35)
Marylin (14)
Cat (12)
I agree that being a mother who did not have to get an additional job outside for money would be heavenly. Feminism did not start this situation – ya know. WAR was the main reason and then lifestyle changes that included individual unit (single families) wanting their own of everything. Own house – out the window went living with extended families, own transportation, own boat, own cabin, you know the list goes on. Now we think the only lifestyle is that of having to have enough money to at least live in our own individual family units and the for most that means the grannies or aunts, etc., don’t live with us. There is good and bad to it all, of course. AND women still carry more roles typically and more tasks in a day. Feminism sought to deal with that. I have met Gloria Steinem in person and she was like the archetypal MOTHER – very loving – very spiritual. Early feminist were about questioning the status quo. They were about women getting equal pay. Women getting good work environments, etc. It is hard to understand the plight of women even in my mother’s generation – those born between 1925 and 1950. College for the average gal was thought of as not so important. And you just had to do what was dictated for you to do. Domestic violence. I don’t think the term existed then though it was happening. Incest – don’t think that wasn’t happening. My mother was raped by her grandfather in the 40′s. That was the way it was and she was not alone, I am sure. I wonder when prosecuting perpetrators of incest became widespread? Remember there are so many absolutely amazing things we take for granted that protect women now because of the work of early feminist. Feminism is not about being radical. It is about women having the right for things like family planning, owning their own bodies, etc. It is not about having too much to do and not about making choices that are hard or easy. Life has always been hard. Read pioneer women’s diaries for contrast to ours. Your life’s hardships have lots to do with what class you were born into, what country and what you can attain as does mine. We are the working class.
Many generations ago we were more tribal and performed many of their chores in a community fashion. People did not have all of the individual replication of daily living. I think I would really like commune living – if I were nice and people in general didn’t bug the crap out of me at times because I am supremely irritable. I don’t have lots of material possessions – yet too many to keep tidy. BUT I can do what I want within reason and in the privacy of my home.
I am the mother of the one perfect girl in my life. Sometimes, as a mother, she was one too many for me! I could be that crabby. I worked full time most of her life and I am sorry I had to. She, on the other hand, never says that. Maybe when I talk to her on the phone today I will as her more about that and report back to you. She is pretty funny. She is 19. Going on 26 in many ways. Oddly enough though she is very family oriented and has never had a real boyfriend until now. What she likes best about him – he is family oriented.
Is this a long enough comment – sorry. I am more likely to do one obnoxiously long comment infrequently. Take care!
I saw this thing on the ‘new housewives’ on 60 minutes (in Australia) a few months ago and was apalled because it was largely anti-feminism which is ridiculous to me given that it was the inroads that feminism made that even made it possible for them to work from home/get equal pay/provide them with choices etc. And if it hadn’t been for feminism I definitely wouldn’t be in the charmed position of being able to work from home most of the time with no change in how much I’m paid.
To be honest, I think the working affects me far more than it does Riley. My mother was a single mother and so worked full-time when I was growing up (sometimes two or more jobs) and I can’t say that I ever felt any absence in my young life because of this.
Having experienced community living myself I think I prefer the comforts of my own home even if it means I’m pulled in a few different directions . . .