Childcare is one of those things that everyone has an opinion about. It might be that it’s too expensive, or the waiting lists are too long, or it might be something more controversial like it’s ‘good for them’. When I was pregnant I didn’t really think about childcare that much except that I vaguely thought what was the point of having children if they were going to be put in childcare for most of the time. Actually, I should come up with a new category for this “I didn’t think about it when I was pregnant, BUT . . .” And I also did the sums and worked out for myself that I would lose a half to two-thirds of my salary on childcare if I went back to work and it definitely didn’t seem worth it. But aside from all of that, I really wanted to stay home and enjoy being a mother and I was lucky that we were in the position that I could do that for a period of time, and even luckier that I was able to exclusively work from home until Riley was 9 months and still only have to go in once a week.

I’ve heard all sorts of things from other mothers about childcare. Such as “it’s good for them”, “they get increased social skills”, “they like it”, “they’re better off”, etc. None of these things ever made sense to me and it seemed like something that people told themselves to feel better about putting their children in childcare.

Admittedly there are many single parents and families who have to put their children into childcare for financial reasons and it is getting increasingly more difficult to survive on one income, but for people who have the privilege of being able to choose the idea that a group childcare setting is preferable to being at home is slightly insane.

I don’t think that children under the age of three have improved social skills from being at childcare. I agree with Steve Biddulph that the perceived increase in socialisation is really a coping mechanism for dealing with a difficult environment. I don’t think it makes children more confident, more independent or more communicative.

I know that my own beautiful child is perceived as sensitive, not very confident, and in general just a bit of a mama’s girl. Part of that I consider to be personality. It takes her a while to warm up, always has and probably always will. If anything I think that personality means she would struggle even more in childcare.

But when did sensitivity become a four-letter word? When did the mantra become: Be confident. Be extroverted. Be strong. Be tough. And when did it start to apply to 17 month old toddlers?

I love that she is a sensitive child. Her sensitivity in all of its manifestations is a joy, not a burden. Sometimes it means that she just likes to sit on the back porch and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Sometimes it means that she’ll hum away to herself in the back of the car. Sometimes it means that she will cry at the sound of certain noises. Sometimes it means that she will want to cuddle for 15 minutes before venturing out on her own.

And if you give her the time and reassurance she needs to warm up you will find that she is extremely adventurous, irrepressibly cheeky and surprisingly bossy.

I’d like to teach her inner strength, integrity of character and resiliency. But she’s still my baby and she’s got her whole life to be tough.